Rid of me

I don't wanna make a big deal out of this..but I'm not different, I'm just another normal regular girl, who happens to be delightful to a few people and hateful to others..But that's not important, since the few people make a huge difference and impact in my life, I don't need to pay atention to the haters, I don't wanna know them and I couldn't care less about them..But you see.. that's kind of like the root of my question.. If I, as a delightful character to few people, started to think what can explain the existence of the haters, I'll be truely seeking for an explanation about something everybody knows but tends to forget.. We're no different, so what can explain the existence of the haters, are we all haters? I know I can be annoying making all this questions, a part of me believes that there's no reason to write something like that. I mean everybody has the right to think what they like, but me.. I'm not different.. The other part really likes to discover a new me every day..

I used to play the cello, and I played in an Orchestra, I left it when I started my career but I remember that I loved to play.. I mean I never ever knew how good or bad I was, but I loved it. I truely enjoyed the feeling of creating sounds using that beautiful instrument, and yesterday I had this weird dream about it: I went back to the orchestra one day and there was much more people than when I used to go, so I said hello to the director and he asked me to join them. I took my cello with me and when I put it out, I noticed the strings were broken so I tried to fix them but it was imposible, so he told me to use another one since they were waiting for me to start the rehearsal. Well I took the other one and I broke the strings, I was so sorry about it, I mean I was kind of like crying, when I started to do something, trying to fix the strings they became fabric strips.. at that point I was aware I was dreaming, but I didn't want to know what happen next so I decided to wake up..

I've been thinking about that dream a lot, and I feel that I'm afraid to know the truth about myself, and I think we all are.. that's why it's kind of difficult to think about what it would be like to live with ourselves, with our truth. We fabricate the image of what we are so the few people that stand us don't get tired of us, like we do.. And by creating that image we just have a display, no more.. So I think maybe, since we create ourselves to others, we're really hating on us, and that's kind of sad.. I didn't want to know what was next in my dream, because I know what is next, I'm living it.. I just didn't want the other part of me to remember it, I was just hating on me..

So what? we choose to believe in the inventions we create, and everybody does it, I'm not different.. But why is it so difficult to create ourselves for ourselves, not for others? that's my real question.. Life is mine to create and when I choose to believe what I am, I'm really chosing which part of me is going to be the lead character. I think we shouldn't feel the other part different from us, we just have to accept who we really are in order to find who we can be.. I began to write this because I've been thinking about my life as a story I created. And I worry I can lost my memory, because everything I do stands on my memories, everything that I believe in, all the people that I care about, and all the things that allows me to be the way I am. Well thinking about this I understood that this things I've mentioned are not what I am, this things are the result of what I've been living. Chaplin put it this way: "we shouldn't be afraid to confront ourselves, even the planets collide and from chaos stars are born."