30/08/10

At this point I’ve written a lot of things I usually prefer not to say personally. Maybe because I get mad at myself I always say I won’t say a thing like that to anybody, and at the moment you come into the picture I quit. I guess I’m a liar and I do melt for someone. But right now I’m kind of freezing, if you know what I mean. Last year I wrote 99 notes, by august I already had 68, this year I haven’t write that much, same month and I only have 38. I’m freezing, because of that among other issues I have going on my mind. Once someone really special to me asked me “Why do you write so beautiful hey?”… I respond almost immediately… “Your fault”… That same night, I though “What the hell did you just happened to say?”… I mean, you have to be crazy to reveal yourself just like that, immediately… Well the truth is that I did long ago. So yes, almost all that notes I wrote are connected with you special someone. About 80 of that notes are definitely your fault. I revealed myself at the same moment I let myself be taken by that weird feeling of connection we own. I was writing long ago, but I feel like it was born yesterday.

Right now I’m traveling incognito; I want to make the path and I want to make it mine, because I know there must be some way out of here, because thanks to that special someone I got to realized it’s so hard to be mad when there’s so many beauty in life, and life is too short to be pissed of all the time. It's just not worth it. Half of the way I’m dreaming in my so called reality, day after day, after day, after day. And the other half I’m dreaming with the beautiful ideas, people made me think couldn’t be real at all. Guess that means I’m a part time dreamer it makes me happy to feel you’re fulltime. I don’t necessarily have to be dreaming to be awake with you; we can either be dreaming or just looking at each other through an imaginary hole. And we find ourselves together and that is just incredible. Guess that's the best dream in the history of dreams; I haven’t met many spectacular people in my life. In fact, I don’t want to go chase any spectacular people I can possibly met, because I’ve learn so many with a few, that I imagine my brain would not take that amount of greatness and it can explode. And that is really not my ultimate wish, so… No, but seriously, I love the way special moments tend to happen with you not even being aware that you are about to live such unexpected experience, that kind of connection always remembers me how we’re all connected trough nature, and why nature reminds me of you.

I think there’s a story behind things, and we have an ocean of time to get into those stories. That’s why I like to write this much; I don’t know how far will these words go, but I feel like they’ve traveled with us for so long. That feeling helps me remember I need to remember. At those moments I’m trying to get away, you come into the picture again to remind me beautiful songs that sound just perfect to me. Do you remember how we let pass quite an amount of time to really communicate, guess we were shy. I had a lot of questions inside my head, some of them still remain. Do you still dream? Why is it so important for us to dream? Sometimes I remember you telling me the stories of your dreams, and I miss you more than any. Then I think we had our time together, and it’s time for me to let it go. Everytime I close eyes. I have too learn not to cheat, but it´s hard being blind. It's so damm hard. I can’t.

I'm seeing a special sunshine with an orange and yellow glow. I like to talk with you about time. I remember you called me and I went. I still think that time is rare. I heard you went away and I cried. But then I thought I was a bit silly because in this life we don’t own anything, we don’t own anyone. We know everything and know nothing. The more we know, the more we need to learn. I don’t know which door I'll leave if right or left. I don’t know if that's important. Don’t know why I cried. But I cried. Some days I want to do many things I want to be a clown, I want to play with ants, and I want to make bracelets. I want to travel by skateboard and learn to ride a bike. Some days I don’t want to do anything I don’t want to write, don’t want to talk, don’t want to eat, don’t want to change the world. Today I'd just like to give you a present. I just don’t know what it could be. I want to give you an easy monocycle, chocolate cookies with caramel on top of several layers. A crystal ball, a severe vibration, and a white noise. But I don’t know if I managed to get there. I’d give you a ladder into space, eyes with fingers or fingers with eyes. I send all my draws or I send you a batman costume with new measures. I could give you a kiss or maybe the incomparable view of the aircraft. I can also give you a camera so you can see the album of my head and an SD with unlimited capacity to store all your memories.

I know! I'll give you a cat or a falcon that fly and return to you when you call him. I can also give you a phone with no buttons that dials each time you think of someone you want to talk. I will make a hat built-in 360° vision superstar golden pro supernova elite diamond class to see the starry sky at dawn. I can invent a window with pretty lights to wake you up and make the day begins when you want. I'll give you a trip to Australia so the whales sing to you or headphones so you can listen to aliens again. Also, I would like to give you a diving course and a jack of my cello. A necklace for Eva, a wallet. Flowers lying on a roof. A bed in the clouds. A portable house. A little cabin on the beach. I'd love to give you a journey into a fly or an octopus. I would give you one eternal day road to the lighthouse at the end of the world. I can give you a bracelet. I can give you a lot of balls that one day I learned how to do or a book that I found on a bus. I can save some money and buy a return ticket for you; I can save some money and buy me a one way ticket. Right now I have no money and it doesn’t matter because I know I'm there. You taught me to see in 3D and right now I'm seeing you. I don’t think anyone else can fix our eyebrows today, so we’ll keep our rebel 'cachitos' until we meet again on a happy day juggling at the street. When you thought I could be there for you, it was you who was there for me. Those days that passed without knowing you were there, are nothing compared to those I've seen you. I have in mind the idea of seeing you again, walk again and dance with people and together. It's just an idea about seen our large bodies, elongated by time, when in fact we are going to be children, and old people at the same time. I've always thought you're going to be a very wise man, one of those who barely speaks but everyone wants to listen, and still you're going to be a child. You'll have gray hair, but you will always be a child. I mean, there you have it in your eyes. And your look doesn't look like anyone elses and is not the eye color you have, not how big or how small they are, no. It is your look, your look, your way. You have a way to smile with your eyes so pretty, I mean it...really pretty. You have a child inside. When I look at you I almost feel I can see how you where, because you still are. And everytime I close my eyes, I wouldn't mind of being blind.

Not alone in being alone

What the hell is happening today?
I'm getting just bad answers or
am I doing the wrong questions?

Clone some day?
Will we travel through time?
Will we ever wake up?

From spiral we come.
Will we break up the divisions?
Yesterday, we were others.
Who are the savages now?
We all are. Let us break the divisions.
So many directions for us to go.

Clone some day?
Will we travel through time?
Will we ever wake up?

Fucking Pretentious, Handsome, Spoiled Boy

It was not at night,
but it was so.
Comfortable, slowly fast.
Tender and determined.

It was not at night,
but at the time it was.
A black and white scene.
Stayed sweet, while dawn offered a regret.

It was not at night, but it was so.
And it was an amazing night.
No regrets at all.

The way you're supposed to

Far. cold winter outside.
Close battle against gravity.
Near. See the beggining of the end.

My eyes blinking tonight.
My nightmares advice:
Stay awake, don't close your eyes.

Am I goin' out tonight?
I might, I might not.
I don't know. Why?

Feeling so far, far away from here and there.
Not in tune right now.